There is something that has been bugging me for about 2 years. I’ve wanted to share it for ages because even though it might not seem like a big thing, it’s a big thing for me to do. I’m planning to post this at some point this week, I’m writing this on the 26th February 2016. I feel accepting of it and have done for a year now.
I am bisexual! It is confirmed. SO many people have asked my friends if I’m gay or bi and yes, the conspiracy is true. I’ve been aware of not being straight since year 8 but worked it all out in 2014.
I was actually planning to come out to my friends in December 2014, I wrote letters and everything but I was too scared to. I told my friends Zoe, Laura, Lily and Georgie when I first worked it out and then my friends Maya and Zoya last April. All of them were so lovely and accepting of it, it hasn’t changed anything in those friendships except that the banter is better – especially when people ask them if I’m queer.
I don’t like any girls currently. I liked a guy for a long time last year but I’m over that (I think) and I wouldn’t go for anyone in my school just because I don’t view any of them in that way. All my friends are still my friends, I don’t and have never viewed them differently. Being openly bi doesn’t mean that every time I hug someone I lowkey want to do the deed with them, it literally just means I want to hug them.
If I’m honest, I am much more nervous about my friends and the girls in my school finding out about this. I’m worried about them treating me differently or making ignorant jokes or full out disowning me as a friend (which sounds ridiculous). I don’t feel the need to come out to my family or parents, I know that they’re accepting and if one day I were to bring home a girl they wouldn’t question it. I’m so lucky to have parents like that.
Also – another quick confirmation for anyone who knows me in real life. My general banter is flirting as a joke and that DOESN’T mean I’m hitting on you. If I fancied you I would 1) tell you and 2) do the opposite of flirting because I’d be so embarrassed. I can assure you the chances of me openly liking someone is very high as I tend to be honest about that kind of thing.
I’m writing this because the other day I desperately wanted to tweet something but realised it would mean I was outing myself and I didn’t want to abruptly do that and leave people wondering what was going on. I want to feel open about saying things and NOT denying the rumours of me being queer because that is draining and so uncomfortable to constantly do.
This means a lot to me, it is really, really important to me. I don’t like saying ‘I’m straight’ when I’m not and I am completely aware that I am not. I don’t want to spend the next few years not being completely honest and real with myself and the people around me.
This wasn’t an easy decision to make. I kept convincing myself that I could wait two years and wouldn’t have to tell anyone but it is SO hard keeping something this important to myself. I have absolutely no idea how to word it (therefore I’m writing a blog post) and I don’t even know if this is the right way. I am hoping this doesn’t change anything, particularly at school as currently my best friend is away and I’m worried about everyone hating me and her not being around as a moral support system.
I hope you all understand and are willing to accept this additional feature of me, particularly if we’re already friends in real life. If you’re my friend and someone asks about my sexuality, it would be great to send them this so they technically find out from me! Thank you for reading this.
– Scarlet
antianxiettty 